Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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