You work out of a Hotel?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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