My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
