She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
