The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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