Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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