My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
