In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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