I will die if light touches me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
