I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
