uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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