i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
