So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
