You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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