"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize