I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
