I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
