New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
