This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize