am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
