we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
