my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
