Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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