hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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