I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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