On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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