People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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