Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
