Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
