I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
