Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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