I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
