I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
