i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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