I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
