So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
