Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
