Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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