I CAN MOONWALK!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
