Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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