Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
