just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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