If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
