Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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