You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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