I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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