I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
