I got chris browned last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
