So drunk its hurt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
