this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
