meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
