Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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