hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
