Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
