Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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