I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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