Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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