The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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