I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
