im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Boobs are out for the taking
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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