dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
