Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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