You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
