Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
