After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
