I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
