i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
