just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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