i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
