The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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