the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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