She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
