so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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