He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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