rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
