he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
