Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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