I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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