I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
