just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
