thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
okay pat passed out under dana's car
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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