I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
