textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
