Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My dick has a subreddit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
