Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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