She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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