My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
