The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
