Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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