I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
