btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
